


Life is Now

by BluebeardsWife



Series: Isak and Even: Minute by Minute [2]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:56:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9343988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluebeardsWife/pseuds/BluebeardsWife
Summary: Two years have passed since the events of s3. Even returns to Norway. Isak has a new boyfriend.





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

_  EVEN        _

> _Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please return your seat backs and tray tables to their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you for choosing Scandinavian Airlines._

Even woke from an uneasy slumber to the friendly voice of the female flight attendant coming from the speakers above him. He looked around blearily. He had been resting his shoulder against the passenger to his right, all but smushing him against the oval window.

“Sorry,” he muttered, straightening up, before realizing that the guy next to him was still fast asleep. On the small screen in front of Even, a two-dimensional airplane hovered above a mass of land surrounded by the Baltic and North Seas. With a jolt, Even realized that he was back in Norway. He couldn’t wait to stretch his legs – it had been a long fucking trip – but the butterflies in his stomach betrayed a craving to stay put - to simply remain in this cramped, stuffy aircraft until his flight back at the end of the summer. He had been trying to stop fixating on the ever-decreasing distance between him and Isak ever since he woke up the previous day and entered a yellow cab to go to the JFK airport.

_Isak._ A name he hadn’t spoken out loud in at least six months. Probably more. He supposed he wouldn’t have a reason to say it now either. The possibility of randomly running into him was pretty slim, and Even couldn’t let himself get hopeful about it. Still, he wondered if Isak had grown out his hair, or gained weight or muscle, acquired a fashion sense, or any of a myriad little details that Even no longer knew about him.

The plane jostled a bit, followed by a loud CLUNK as the wheels hit the ground. Passengers all around him began to stir, and the dying roar of the engine drowned out the flight attendant’s final announcement. It was hard to fault everyone for jumping out of their seats before the **FASTEN SEAT BELT**  sign had dimmed. Even himself was dying for a bit of fresh air and a chance to let his knees recover from pressing against hard plastic for hours. Instead, he found himself stuck in a crowd of restless, tired faces, waiting impatiently for the aircraft to come to a stop and the door to open.

It was less than a year ago that Even had boarded the plane that would take him across the ocean. Isak had not been there to see him off, and he wouldn’t be here now either. All the friends Even had made at the university had assured him that he would get over Isak soon. _That’s just how breakups are_. And New York City was the kind of bustling, enormous metropolis where something was happening at all times, so new people and experiences were easy to come by.

Even had tried. He dated a few people. He threw himself into his work – he was the media production professor’s favorite, for sure. It helped... kinda. After a while, thoughts of Isak became less frequent, and the twinge of pain and regret that always accompanied them dulled over time. But the moment Even boarded the plane back home, the delicate new skin that had covered this particular wound was suddenly ripped open.

The crowd thinned slowly, and Even maneuvered his carry-on towards the exit, past the two flight attendants clad in blue and white. He took a deep breath. His parents were waiting for him somewhere nearby, so he pushed back the hood of his sweatshirt, ran his fingers through his greasy hair, and put on a happy face.

 

* * *

 

_  ISAK         _

 “Emma!” Isak said, opening his arms theatrically as soon as she spotted him.

 “Isak,” she grinned as she hugged him. “I haven’t seen you for ages! How’s uni?”

 Isak rolled his eyes a little. He couldn’t wait for the term to be over.

“Uneventful,” he said. “How’s Nissen?”

“Square building full of boredom and despair,” Emma said with a giggle and leaned back over the bar, trying to get the bartender’s attention. Her hair was longer now, down to her chin, and the crisp bangs framed her face strikingly. Isak hadn’t seen her since winter, because _something_ was always going on. The university curriculum was quite demanding, and Isak had started dating Jan in April, so there was little time left for high school friends.

They managed to order drinks – vodka-tonic for Emma, beer for Isak – and headed outside into the beer garden. It was still light outside, and the warm air was balanced by an occasional soft breeze.

“So…” Emma said once they sat down. “New boyfriend?”

Isak laughed.

“Well it’s good to know people still gossip about me,” he said.

 “Oh,” Emma seemed embarrassed. “It’s uh.. it's not true then?”

He hesitated before answering. “No, it’s true,” he finally said with a small toss of his hair. “His name is Jan."

 “Hmmm... is he as handsome as uh… Even?” her eyes widened as she spoke.

Isak couldn’t tell if she was this clueless or doing this on purpose - the mere sound of Even’s name still evoked that particular kind of heartache that feels like you just missed a step on the stairs.

“Pffft,” he pursed his lips, raising one eyebrow. “Of course he is,” he said as casually as he could. “Handsomer!”

“Ooh, I can’t wait to meet him!” she said before accidentally poking herself in the eye with the tiny straw that stuck out of her drink. “Ow.”

 Isak laughed, perhaps a bit too gleefully. “You alright?” he asked.

 “Yeah. No… Yeah,” she laughed while rubbing her eye, but quickly recovered. “So then you're not gonna see him when he comes back to town?”

 “See who?” Isak didn’t follow.

 “Even,” she said with a small nod and a raise of the eyebrows.

 “He’s uh… he’s coming back to town?” Isak’s ears and neck were suddenly burning hot. “Soon?”

 “Mhmm. I think today. Or maybe tomorrow." Her voice got softer as she spoke, "not sure, actually.”

 Isak’s face must have betrayed his emotional turmoil, because Emma’s smile disappeared completely, and she looked down at her hands.

 “I’m sorry, I thought you knew,” she said. “Or it wasn’t a big deal or…”

 “It’s not a big deal.”

 It would have sounded more convincing had Isak’s voice not cracked as he said it. They were silent for a moment.

 “Just for the break?” Isak asked finally, staring intently at a small crack in the wood grain of the table.

 “I.. I think so.”

 “How do you know?”

 “Sonja told me.”

Isak had almost forgotten that Emma and Sonja had become good friends. This also meant that Even had stayed in touch with Sonja, but not him.

 “Mmm,” he said, chugging his beer, and quickly changed the subject.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

_    EVEN         _

Once the jet lag wore off, Even enjoyed having some time to do nothing. His mother’s home-cooked meals were quite an improvement over eating microwavable Ramen noodles with random spices added for flavor at 3am. He hadn't had a moment to himself at school, so it was nice to just chill out for a while. After a couple of weeks with his parents, however, the cabin fever set in, and on Friday, he texted Sonja – the only friend he’d kept in touch with.

 

 

 

 

It was shaping up to be a good evening. The party was in full swing by the time they arrived. As they entered, Even felt a strong sense of déjà vu.

“Whose party is this?” he asked Sonja over the music and chatter that filled the room.

“Emma’s,” Sonja answered. “You know her, right? From Nissen?”

Even nodded. He never really liked Emma and wasn’t sure why Isak had remained friends with her while they were together. He took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to think of Isak tonight.

As they settled in, Sonja and her friends each took a bottle from the bag of beer they had brought with them.

“I’ll go put the rest in the fridge,” Even offered and headed towards the kitchen.

It was much quieter there than the rest of the house. The kitchen was empty except for a couple who were making out by the door. Even walked by them and started placing the bottles one by one into the overflowing fridge.

“No!” one of the people in the couple laughed, and Even froze. He knew that laugh. It had, at one point, been his favorite sound in the world. His whole body stiffened, and his head whipped around of its own accord.

He felt a lump form in his throat as he looked at the guys making out by the door and recognized the soft blond curls sticking out beneath a red snapback. Isak was leaning against the wall, partly hidden from view by the figure of his tall companion.

Pressure started building behind Even’s eyes as he felt tears coming on. He slammed the door of the fridge harder than he intended to in an attempt to leave the kitchen as quickly as humanly possible. The beer bottles on the fridge door clanked loudly, causing Isak and _that guy_ to look right at him. It was too late to run.

Isak’s eyes widened (had they always been this green?) and his lips slowly parted as his eyes met Even’s. After a moment, Even glanced quickly over at the guy Isak had been making out with. His round face was framed by dark, bushy hair, and a well-groomed beard. Even held back the urge to punch him in his stupid bearded face.

He turned back to Isak, swallowed hard, and, hoping against hope that his voice wouldn’t betray him, greeted him.

“Hello.” It came out steady and nonchalant.

Isak's cheeks flushed before he replied squeakily, "hi." 

Beard guy kept looking back and forth between them.

“Hi,” he finally jumped in, smiling slightly at Even. “You know each other?”

Even wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole. In his personal version of hell, he is being introduced over and over again to Isak's new boyfriend.

 

* * *

 

_    ISAK          _

The moment Isak set eyes on Even, standing casually by the fridge, the rest of the world seemed to just crumble around him. All the feelings he had spent the past year getting over, they now rushed at him like a train. As lanky and beautiful as ever, Even leaned lightly on the kitchen counter behind him. The sight of his piercing blue eyes, his full lips, his perfectly messy honey-colored hair took Isak’s breath away.

“Hi,” Jan’s voice brought the rising emotion in Isak’s chest to a screeching halt. “You know each other?”

Isak stuttered momentarily as Even looked to him for the answer. _He is not here to sweep you off your feet and be with you_ , he told himself sharply. It helped. He felt more grounded in reality already.

“Uh, yeah, Jan, this is Even,” He nodded his head subtly toward the boy who had ripped his still-beating heart out of his chest and trampled it. “Even, Jan…”

“My boyfriend,” he added after a brief pause.

“Yeah, no shit,” Even said with a small smile that caused his eyes to crinkle.

His cool composure was more than Isak could handle. His lip trembled slightly before he noticed Jan still looking at him, wearing a puzzled expression. _Shit._ Isak had never told Jan about Even.

“Oh, uh, Even is a…” he hesitated, meeting Even’s direct gaze. “He’s a _friend_ from Nissen.”

Even looked down at the floor for a moment, jutting his lower jaw forward, the way he did when he was upset and didn’t want others to notice. Isak felt a twinge of savage satisfaction at the realization that Even wasn’t as unaffected as he seemed. If seeing Isak like this hurt him, well… _good_.

“You in town for the break?” Isak asked, picking up his beer from the table next to him.

“Yeah,” Even glanced over at Jan. “Sonja is waiting for me,” he muttered with a glance at the door, “so I should…”

“Yeah, sure… yeah,” Isak sputtered. _Of course_ he was here with Sonja.

“Nice meeting you,” Even raised his eyebrows at Jan, before walking off and disappearing into the bustle of the living room.  

“Seems nice,” Jan said, looking expectantly at Isak.

“Yeah,” Isak felt unable to form other words.

“Did..” Jan started prodding gently, “did something happen between you?”

“Nah! No. Nothing,” Isak lied. “But uh, I’m gonna check if there’s a line for the bathroom real quick. I’ll be right back.” He gave a confused Jan a quick peck on the lips before rushing off.

Isak closed the bathroom door behind him without even turning on the light. He shut his eyes and leaned his back against the cold tile wall. It had been ten months since he’d last seen or spoken to Even. He had been unprepared to lose him then, and he was unprepared to face him now. He recalled their last conversation – he couldn’t let himself fall again for someone who’d hurt him so much. Receiving the text was still as clearly etched in his memory as though it had happened yesterday.

From the moment Even had announced that he had been accepted to NYU, Isak took on the role of Supportive Boyfriend. Though Even had claimed to want to reject the offer and stay with him, there was no way Isak could have let him do that – it clearly wasn’t what Even wanted. This belief had then been confirmed over and over again, as Even repeatedly gushed to anyone who would listen that he had been accepted to one of the _top film schools in the world_. It wasn’t as though Isak could have asked him to give up on his dream.

Still, over the next few months, Isak had done his best to hide how much it hurt. He had tried to enjoy what little time they had left and focused on the fact that Even wouldn’t be gone forever. They could still Skype and text all the time, and they would see each other during school breaks.

And then two days before Even left the country, Isak received the text. Apparently, Even thought that it would be best if they not only broke up, but didn’t even stay in touch. Isak stared at his phone for hours, unable to respond. He spent months after that living his life in a daze, feeling as though he was missing a limb… or, worse, a torso.

And here he was, having spent ten months shoveling dirt into the gaping hole Even had gouged in his heart, and the pain was once again as fresh as the day he’d left.


	3. Chapter 3

 

_    EVEN         _

Leaning against the windowsill, Even ran his thumb firmly across the rough strings of his guitar. He had spent the afternoon replacing the strings and getting the fingertips of his left hand used to the cold steel cutting into their soft flesh again. He loved making movies, but sometimes he did miss his music. He set the guitar back in its stand and picked up his phone from the bed. He was still in disbelief of his last text conversation.

 

It was almost 7:30, and Even hadn’t decided if he should go or not. The message yesterday had caught him off guard. Was Eskild just being nice? They _had_ become friends in the year before Even’s departure, so maybe he just wanted to catch up. Or did this have to do with Isak? How could he have even known Even was back unless Isak told him? He must have... _Which meant that Isak still cared, boyfriend or no boyfriend._ Though it was also entirely possible that he had just mentioned it as a funny thing or…

Even groaned loudly, throwing himself on the bed. _Why couldn’t he stop thinking about this?_

Twenty minutes later, he found himself on a bus to Pride Park. When he arrived, the park was bustling with people. Some wore colors so bright they were blinding, others looked like they had stepped out of a page from a fashion magazine. But even those whose appearance did not stand out wore big smiles on their faces as they chattered away in the night. The pleasantly brisk air was buzzing with positive energy. For the first time since he’d arrived back home, Even felt a small flicker of hope.

He entered the crowded bar looking for Eskild. Though all the tables were occupied and many patrons had taken to standing around the bar, Even’s eyes somehow immediately zeroed in on the one face he hadn’t dared hope to find. Isak sat at a table in the corner, animatedly talking to Eskild. Some unfamiliar guy, seated with his back turned to Even, was laughing at whatever Isak was saying, while Eskild pouted and rolled his eyes.

Isak’s hair was a bit shorter than before but still managed to stick out in a million different directions, now that it wasn’t subdued by a cap. As Even caught a better glimpse of his face, he noticed two bright rainbow stickers adorning his cheeks, making his eyes glisten through the semi-darkness of the bar. Even wondered if he’d lost a bet to Eskild or something – last year, Isak had refused to go to Pride, because Eskild had been so pushy about it that the whole thing annoyed the hell out of him. Isak had proclaimed it was now “a matter of principle.”

For a moment, Even considered leaving. Isak surely didn’t want him there. He wasn’t even sure that he himself wanted to be there. But just then, Eskild caught his eye and waved at him grinning. Isak glanced over his shoulder and quickly turned back to Eskild as soon as he spotted Even.

His heart thumping fervidly, Even stepped forward through the crowd and approached their table. Before he’d had a chance to speak, Eskild took the messenger bag from the chair between him and Isak, and threw it on the floor.

“Even! Fancy seeing you here!” he pulled the chair around. “Join us!”

Even sat down but forgot to listen when Eskild introduced his friend. Instead, out of the corner of his eye, he noted that Isak was staring at his former roommate with lips pressed together and eyes narrowed. 

“Hey,” Even said after a moment, looking over at Isak, whose expression softened slightly when their eyes met.

“Hi,” Isak took a swig of his beer.

After a moment’s awkward silence, Eskild clapped his hands together. “Well, I think we’re needed in the kitchen!” he exclaimed. “I mean the dancefloor!” He grabbed his friend’s arm, jumped up and turned to Isak. “I’m sure you kids have lots and lots to catch up on!” And flashing them a winning smile, he all but dragged his confused friend away.

“Wow,” Even said. “Subtle.”

Isak gave him a wide-eyed look before chuckling. “Subtle is _not_ Eskild’s specialty.”

Even had missed that sound more than he could say. He glanced at Isak’s hand resting on the table, painfully aware of the small yet insurmountable distance between them. Though the music and crowd around them made it practically impossible to talk, it all seemed to be happening somewhere in the distance. Here, it was just Isak and Even.

 

* * *

 

_    ISAK          _

“I’m sure you kids have lots and lots to catch up on!” Eskild had sauntered off, leaving Isak alone at the table with Even. Picking at the peeling label on his beer bottle, Isak tried to appear unperturbed. This turned out to be quite a challenge, as Even’s physical proximity seemed to fog up his head like a sand storm.

Even shifted his weight, leaning forward as though about to leave, and Isak panicked. Though he was initially annoyed at Eskild for inviting Even, he now wasn’t ready to let him go. He breathed in sharply as he looked up, failing to think of something to say. To his surprise, Even was not moving to leave. Instead, he had directed a mischievous sideways glance at Isak.

“Wow,” he nodded in Eskild's direction, lips pursed in a small smile, “subtle.”

Isak set his beer on the table and gave up. He gave up trying to resist the pull that Even had on him. Gave up pretending that he didn’t care what his life was like now, or whether he’d discovered new music, made a movie, or met a celebrity. After everything that happened, being alone with him still felt like home.  

“Subtlety is not Eskild’s specialty,” he chuckled.

Silence enveloped them again.

“But uh…” Even started to say something and trailed off awkwardly.

“Soooo, have you... ” Isak said with a smile, “have you managed to seduce Baz Luhrmann and take over his career yet?”

Even’s lips parted slightly, revealing the tips of what Isak liked to call his 'vampire teeth'. Even’s upper canines came to a sharp point noticeably lower than the rest of his teeth, giving the impression of a roguish modern-day vampire when he smiled. It was details like this that would surely destroy Isak.

“Oh, he’s way too old for my taste,” Even replied.

“You like ‘em young, huh?”

“I like ‘em young, what can I say…” he drummed his fingers on the table briefly. “Beard guy seems nice, though,” he added abruptly.

“Beard guy?”

“Yeah, uh, you know, new boyfriend guy,” Even explained with a wave of his head.

“Oh, ha!” a small smile tugged at Isak’s lips. Was Even jealous? “Jan? He’s very nice.”

Even nodded. “Where is he tonight?”

It was none of Even’s business.

“Family… uh, thing. He’ll be here tomorrow for karaoke,” Isak said. “Wanna come?”

_Shit_. Why the fuck did he just do that? Even seemed taken aback, but there was no going back now.

“Okay,” he said. “You know, there’s also a… a Rocky Horror midnight showing on Friday. I think I’m gonna go to that.”

Even had quoted this movie occasionally, but had refused to let Isak see it without a full shadow-cast show.

“But um,” Even averted his gaze. “That’s your birthday, so you probably have other plans.”

The corner of Isak’s lips twitched upward. He cleared his throat in an attempt to hide the smile.

“Well, if it’s a midnight showing, then it won’t be my birthday anymore,” he said, finishing his beer.  

“Wanna hold the table while I get us another round?” Even asked almost immediately, and Isak nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

  _EVEN_

It was one of those summer nights when it never gets completely dark. Though it was already after midnight and Even was slightly tipsy, having spent a few hours at the bar, it didn’t quite feel like the night should be ending yet. Eskild had never returned to their table, and the initially awkward banter between Isak and Even had slowly transformed into seemingly innocuous, yet intimate conversation, punctuated by moments of comfortable laughter. Even felt like he’d reopened a favorite book after years of neglect, and found himself in awe of its contents all over again.

They walked in silence to the bus stop as the evening came to a close. Even dreaded the moment they would have to part, but he was out of ideas for how to hold on. They had dawdled outside the park for a while after the festivities ended for the night, and it seemed to Even that Isak was just as reluctant to go as he was. The crowds had thinned, so the bus stop was mostly empty, except for the occasional straggler.

One of the other dawdlers, a lean woman in her 40s, walked briskly past them when they stopped, her shoulders back and chin held high. She wore pink leggings and a tight blue jacket, but it was her hair that really caught Even’s attention. Long and dark, it curled around her face in tight ringlets that bounced rhythmically as she walked, calling to mind a well-groomed poodle at a dog show.  

“What kind of a dog do you think you are?” he turned to Isak.

“Huh?” Isak squinted at him, brow furrowed.

“Oh,” Even looked around, spotting a man waiting for the bus going the other way. He was short and rotund, with jowls that drooped around his face as he stared at his phone.

“See that guy,” he motioned with his head and eyebrows in the man’s direction. “A bulldog.”

Sharp creases formed at the corners of Isak’s mouth. He raised his eyebrows, looking around the street.

“What kind of a dog am _I_?” he mumbled. “Shit, I think I need another example.”

His eyes stopped on a stocky young woman wearing a fuzzy, tan sweater.

“What’s she?” he gestured toward her.

“That’s easy,” Even replied immediately. “Chow chow.”

“Mmm. What about him?”

Even’s eyes followed Isak’s gaze, and landed on a dark-haired guy leaning against the rail at the other end of the bus stop. Dressed in dark jeans and a white v-neck T-shirt under a black leather jacket, he looked like the cool and mysterious protagonist of a French New Wave film. His thick, wavy hair cascaded down to just above his shoulders.

“He’s just hot,” Even said, raising his eyebrows before looking back at Isak.

Isak gave the stranger a contemptuous glance.

“I guess,” he said, and Even couldn’t help grinning.

“He’s a German shepherd,” he added, not taking his eyes off Isak. “Your turn.”

“Pretty sure I’m a mutt,” Isak turned to face him with one eyebrow raised.

“What!” Even protested. “That’s a cop out.”

Isak rolled his eyes, as he so often did. 

“Fine, a fucking Chihuahua then!”

Even laughed loudly, startling the German shepherd. He was pretty sure that Isak was more of a golden retriever, but it was interesting to know how he saw himself.

“What about you?” Isak asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Oh, I’m a cat,” Even said matter-of-factly, prompting Isak to punch his shoulder.

It was the first physical contact they’d had, and though it was obstructed by two layers of clothing, it still sent chills down Even’s spine. Something seemed to shift suddenly between them. Isak’s tempestuous gaze was now fixed on Even's lips. He had seen that look on him before - eyelids heavy and chin tilted upward, as though asking for a kiss. His breath caught in his throat as he shot a furtive glance at Isak’s parted lips.

He leaned in slowly, cautiously, as one would approach a frightened wild animal. He searched for a sign of a reaction on Isak’s face. Would he turn away? Their noses were almost touching and a stray strand of Isak’s hair brushed like a feather against Even’s forehead. He moistened his lips and paused, waiting apprehensively for Isak to make the call.

 

_    ISAK          _

Isak couldn’t fathom how he had ended up in this situation. It was as though he simply lost all sense of reason or regard for others every single time Even entered the picture. So here he was, their lips mere centimeters apart, wondering if this was how an addict felt when presented with his next fix. Knowing full well the mess it would cause, he tilted his head upwards, slowly closing the gap between them.

Even inhaled sharply as their lips met, his hand reaching up to graze Isak’s cheek. Isak brushed his lips across Even’s before pressing into their warmth. He could taste Even on his tongue, and his scalp tingled as gentle fingers curled around his hair. Clutching Even's jacket desperately and pulling him even closer, Isak felt drunk on the taste of him. The ten months they’d spent apart disappeared as they kissed with increasing urgency - it was all Isak could do to hold back a whimper.

Reality intruded on their moment suddenly, mercilessly, with the sound of a rumbling engine and the soft screech of tires on asphalt. Their lips parted as the bus came to a stop next to them, and its doors opened with a sharp hiss.

“I, uhh…” Isak stepped back, startled.

He blinked rapidly while looking around, feeling as though he was rudely awakened from a powerful dream. He tried to form a sentence but his voice failed him at the sight of Even's face, and he turned abruptly, boarding the bus without a backward glance. He waited for the doors to close behind him before turning around. Through the large windows of the bus, he watched as Even stood frozen on the sidewalk, slowly disappearing in the distance.

Mind racing, Isak sat down and closed his eyes. He tried to regulate his breathing with slow deep breaths. _This doesn’t change anything. You’re okay. It won’t be like it was before._ His thoughts provided little comfort in the face of his internal turmoil. He wanted nothing more than to be with Even, but he didn’t think he could survive getting abandoned by him again.

He lay awake for hours that night, only dozing off after the morning sun had already splashed its rays across the walls of his room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big apologies for the delay. I finally managed to get back into the swing of things and will hopefully update the remaining chapters in a more timely manner. Thanks for reading!

_    EVEN         _

Even looked out the large window to his left, leaning gently against its frame. The city was bathed in the afternoon sun, a soft haze blurring the outlines of buildings and people below him. He was glad that he could still come to Sonja for advice. For a while, it had seemed like they would never be friends again. Things had certainly changed between them, but somehow, not being together actually brought them closer. She still knew him better than anyone, but now she no longer felt responsible for him, and so allowed him to just be himself.

“Ok, but like, what do you want to do?” Sonja sat on her bed, cross-legged, looking up at Even.

“Hm?” he frowned.

“It’s just… you’ve been telling me all about what Isak has been doing and thinking and feeling, but what do **you** want?” She leaned her back against the wall, placing her feet on the bed and pulling her knees to her chest. “It seems pretty obvious that he still has feelings for you, but you’re the one who dumped him, remember?”

“I didn’t dump him,” Even protested.

“You sent him a text that basically said, _hey buddy, let’s never talk again_ ,” she shrugged, eyebrows raised. “That sounds a lot like dumping to me. Not even breaking up, just straight up **dumping**.”

“Well, yeah, but,” Even struggled with his words, too offended to form a sentence. _Didn’t she know him at all?_

“Dumping is when you… cast someone aside when you don’t wanna be with them. I was… It was going to end anyway. I- I couldn’t expect him to just like, wait for me for four years.”

The smug, knowing smile that formed on Sonja’s lips as she watched him speak did not make Even feel better.

“What?” he asked, finally starting to consider the possibility that she had a point.

“You always do that,” she said. “You make decisions for other people because you think you know what’s in everyone’s best interest. Hint, hint: you don’t!”

_Bullshit_. 

“That’s not true,” he said. Even didn’t do that. 

“Is it?” he added after a moment.

“Well, here’s an idea,” she said cheerily. “Maybe you could just, oh, I don’t know, uhhh, **talk to him**?”

Even thought about it for a moment.

“Sooo… I should go to Karaoke?”

“Well, I would probably text him to meet one on one, but…” Sonja started.

“You’re right. I’ll go to Karaoke,” Even said, standing up straight. “Thanks, Sonja!”

“That’s not what I…” Sonja called after him, but he was already out the door.

 

 

Pride Park was once again bustling with people, except now the crowd included teenagers and some families with children. The Karaoke event was easy to locate by the screechy sound of a voice belting out the lyrics to “All By Myself” in something that vaguely resembled a melody. Even was surprised at the sizable crowd inside the venue, as the music was even less pleasant at close quarters.

♫ _all by myseeeeeeeeeelf, don’t wanna be_   ♫

 This time it took him a moment to find Isak in the crowd. He was sitting appallingly close to Beard Guy, with a familiar lopsided smile on his face.

♫  _all by myself ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOORE_ ♫

Even waited for the song to end. He was hoping for better music as a backdrop to his entrance. As the DJ took over and congratulated the singer on a “unique and memorable performance,” Even finally made his way to their table. Making a wide semicircle around the room, he approached them from behind Beard Guy, so that Isak would see him first. It worked. Isak stopped speaking mid-sentence, clearly forgetting what he was talking about the moment he set eyes on Even.

“Hey,” Even said, as Beard Guy turned around awkwardly in his chair to face him.

“Hi,” Isak replied, his expression inscrutable.

 “I hope it’s okay if I join?” Even glanced back toward the exit. “You mentioned I should come yesterday, so I thought…”

“Yeah,” Isak said quickly, “yes, of course, join us.” He coughed before glancing toward Beard Guy, “Jan, you remember, uh, Even?”

“From the party,” Beard Guy nodded and smiled in Even’s direction.

“What are you guys drinking?” Even asked. “I’ll go get the next round.”

He was determined to be on his best behavior and charm the hell out of both Isak and Beard Guy. Feigning confidence and getting people to like him were some of his most useful talents. 

 

* * *

 

_    ISAK          _

“I didn’t really invite him,” Isak turned to Jan as soon as Even had walked away. “I mean, I just... mentioned we would be here... yesterday. When I was here with Eskild... and ran into Even... unexpectedly.”

He knew he was overcompensating even without the puzzled look on Jan’s face, and it took all his willpower to stop talking.

“I didn’t think he would actually come, but you don’t mind do you?” he finally asked.

“No,” Jan said. “Why would I?”

"I dunno," Isak mumbled and shrugged.

After Even returned, Isak was careful not to look at him too long or too intently, not to laugh too hard at his jokes, and not to fall into their usual flirty banter. Even wasn’t making it easy. He seemed intent on casually dropping inside jokes that Jan had no way of picking up on. For some reason, Isak was reminded of the time he first met Sonja, Even’s then-girlfriend, after spending the afternoon with him. 

 

“So are we here to sing or what?” Even asked several drinks later. “Has Isak’s rapping gotten any better?” he turned to Jan, with a quick raise of the eyebrow.

Jan chuckled. “I think Izzy has accepted that he sucks at rapping,” he joked.

“What!” Isak played along. “I am a master at rapping. No one is better at rapping than me.”

“Prove it,” Even said, motioning towards the stage with his head, or, more precisely, with his eyebrows.

“Nah,” Isak shrugged. He wasn’t that drunk - though he thought Even might be. And he certainly wasn't going to leave Even alone with Jan.

“Why don’t you go up, Even?” Jan said, placing his arm on the back of Isak’s chair, and brushing his thumb lightly along the nape of his neck. “Let’s hear what you’ve got.”

Inviting Even to Karaoke was possibly the dumbest thing Isak had ever done. Half the time he felt as though his spirit had left his body and was watching himself perform a role from afar, having no idea what his next line would be. And so he watched himself goad Even into going on stage as Jan played with his hair.

“Alright everyone, the night is coming to a close, but we have time for one more song. Any brave takers out there?” they heard the DJ say, and both Isak and Jan turned to Even, eyebrows raised. He took a big swig of his beer before standing up and joining the DJ on the stage.

“Put your hands together for the grand finale,” the DJ announced as Even picked up the microphone. “It may be a bit outdated, but it'll let us end with a bang. Here’s Even, performing “5 fine frøkner” by Gabrielle.”

A few drunken cheers from the thinning crowd followed. Isak sat frozen, unable to take his eyes off Even, who was bobbing his head along to the music, one stray curl of caramel-colored hair dancing on his forehead with every movement. They never broke eye contact as Even sang animatedly, Isak's breathing getting faster and shallower. Flickering somewhere between ecstasy and horror, he wasn't sure how he made it through the song.

He had never been as relieved as he was when the DJ announced the closing of the bar immediately after Even stepped off the stage. He had already started putting on his jacket and getting ready to leave by the time Even came back to the table. With a quick “see you around,” he bolted out of the near-empty bar without a backwards glance at Even, Jan rushing behind him.

 

They walked in silence for a while, Jan casting occasional worried glances in his direction. Isak didn’t wanna talk and kept his eyes firmly planted on the ground in front of his feet.

“Did I…” Jan asked after a while, “Did I offend Even somehow?”

“Huh?”

“It’s just that he uh, he seemed weird with me.”

Without thinking, Isak rolled his eyes, which only seemed to upset Jan.

“Look, I know that we just met and all, and I don’t know him, and he may just be a weird dude, but something was off, and…” Jan said, his voice shaking a little, “and he didn’t act weird with anyone else.”

“It’s not you,” Isak sighed.

They walked in silence for a few more blocks before Jan stopped suddenly. Isak turned around to face him, confused. Jan's arms were crossed in front of his chest, lips pursed, as he looked pointedly at Isak.

“What?” Isak’s attempt at dismissive annoyance came out oddly high pitched.

“And why were **you** acting weird?"

"What?" Isak said again, on the verge of tears. He knew where this was going. This train was headed at full speed directly into a concrete wall, and Isak didn't know how to stop it.

"Is Even your ex?” Jan asked calmly. “The one you refuse to talk about?”

“Pff, no!” Isak scoffed instantly.

Jan let his arms drop by his sides with a sigh.

“The least you can do is tell me the truth,” he said, not even looking at Isak.

“The least I can do?” the guiltier Isak felt, the more annoyed he acted. “What the... fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

 Jan let out an exasperated chuckle, and Isak looked around as though hoping someone would drop him a life-line.

“Fine. Okay. Yes,” he exclaimed finally. “Even is my ex. And I still don’t wanna talk about him!”

“And I’m just supposed to, like, be okay with that?” Jan wasn’t willing to drop it.

“It’s over, okay?” Isak lied. “He lives on a different continent! This is fucking stupid.”

Heat rose in his chest and his chin quivered.

“Mmm,” Jan nodded. “And this has nothing to do with why we haven't spent a moment alone together since we ran into him at Emma’s party?”

Isak opened his mouth to deny it but only a small squeak came out. _Even was ruining everything for him_. He hadn't even realized that he had been avoiding Jan this whole time.

“Look,” Jan said quietly, stepping forward. “I don’t wanna be your... consolation prize. If after a… a fucking year of not talking to him, you’re acting like this the moment he comes to town, well…” he shrugged and shook his head, “you need to work that shit out, and I don’t wanna be a part of it.”

“Jan…” Isak called out as he turned to leave.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry,” Isak said softly.

“Yeah,” Jan gave him a tight-lipped smile. “So am I.”

Isak stood at the street corner and watched Jan walk away, anger at both himself and Even bubbling inside of him. Somewhere in the distance, a clock chimed midnight.

"Happy fucking birthday to me," he whispered into the empty street. 


	6. Chapter 6

_    EVEN         _

“Going out again, dear?” his mother’s voice rang out from the kitchen as Even tried to sneak out the following evening.

“Yeah,” he said, walking into the kitchen and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “That ok?”

“Of course, as long as you’re feeling better.”

Even felt a pang of guilt. He had spent the day in bed nursing a hangover.

“Uh, yeah, I think so,” he said. “It was just a headache.”

It wasn’t exactly that he lied to his mom – he just hadn’t specified the precise cause of the splitting headache, the remnants of which were now being overtaken by the particular flurry of shame and regret one gets after a night of drinking too much. He couldn’t pinpoint what exactly he regretted or felt ashamed of, but he was fairly certain that there was a reason why Isak now hated him.

He played around with the idea of texting Isak to ask if he was still interested in going to the Rocky Horror screening at midnight. He hadn’t said no when Even mentioned it a couple of nights ago, though that was before the kiss and before Gabrielle.

_That stupid song_. What had he been thinking? Considering how lovey Isak and Beard Dude had acted all night, the best Even could hope for from Isak was friendship. And he was pretty sure he’d fucked that up now, too. But what was he even expecting? Nothing had changed. He still had three years left in New York. It’s not like they could be together anyway.  If Isak was happy with Beard-Guy McDouchebag, then that was a good thing. Still, a twinge of hope remained that maybe, just maybe, he might spontaneously show up at the midnight showing, so Even went.   

 

It was still early, and he ducked into the beer garden down the block, grabbing a pint to wait and hopefully clear his head a bit. All of the regular tables and benches were packed, but there were a few small standing-room tables scattered throughout the garden, and Even set his drink down at an empty one. He felt strangely alone in the crowd.

Being alone in New York City was different. Everyone was always alone there. And everyone was always surrounded by people. The city was comforting in its coldness, its foreignness. Here, the exact opposite seemed to be happening. Oslo had been home for twenty years. It still was. It was familiar and comfortable, like an old friend. And yet Even felt a million miles from everyone.

“Mind if I join you?” a husky voice snapped Even out of his thoughts. He looked up to see the hot guy from the bus stop – German shepherd guy – standing across from him.

“Uh… sure,” Even said, lifting his glass. He hadn’t planned on socializing, but in a way, the distraction was welcome. He had been feeling more and more certain that Isak wouldn’t show, anyway.

“I’m Kristian,” the dark-haired guy said. “Kris,” he added with a small tilt of the head. He really was quite stunning.

“Even. Nice to meet you.”

“So,” Kris said, a smile playing on his lips. “No boyfriend tonight?”

“Hm?”

_That was a weird pick up line._

“Oh,” Kris chuckled, “I mean the cute blond you were making out with at the bus stop the other day… that, uh… that was you, right?”

“Ha,” Even said softly, looking down at his drink. “He’s... not my boyfriend.”

“Ah,” Kris stepped closer, resting his elbow on the table. “Good.”

It’d been a while since Even had been hit on. He was usually the one making the first move – this was an interesting change of pace. But the words “not my boyfriend” still stung in his throat, and he remained silent, eyes glued to the tiny bubbles popping in the white foam of his beer.

“Oh,” Kris tucked his long hair behind his ear with nimble fingers. “Not good?”

“Nope,” Even muttered.

“How come? He seemed into you the other night.”

“You’re really nosy and persistent,” Even snapped and immediately felt like an asshole. He had no reason to be annoyed at Kris - none of this was his fault. Even was the one who always fucked up everything he touched.

“Just trying to make conversation,” Kris lifted his hands defensively.

“No, I'm... sorry, man, it’s just…” Even sighed. “Can we talk about… um… not him?”

“That bad, huh? What’d he do?”

Even lifted his eyebrows at him incredulously.

“OH,” Kris scrunched his eyes shut. “Sorry, yes, something else, right… you uh, you live around here? I don’t think I’ve seen you around before.”

“He didn’t do anything,” Even said abruptly. “ _I_ dumped _him_.”

 

* * *

 

_    ISAK          _

Isak leaned on the kitchen counter, holding a cold beer in one hand and scrolling mindlessly through his phone with the other.

“Birthday boy!” Eskild practically yelled as he entered, cheeks flushed from dancing and drinking.

“Eskild,” Isak said, motioning to the bottle in his hand. “I was just getting another beer.”

“Did you have to brew it yourself?” Eskild tilted his head to the side. “Because that’s how long you’ve been hiding in here.”

Isak groaned and rolled his eyes. He had been hoping Eskild of all people would understand and cut him some slack.

“I didn’t throw this party for myself, you know!” Eskild started to whine, but paused at the look on Isak’s face.

“What’s up?” he scooted up next to him and leaned on the counter as well. “You’re not still pining over that boy, are you?”

Biting his lip, Isak looked up at him sideways.

Eskild cleared his throat, putting on his ‘serious’ face. “Oh, soooo… where is he now?”

Isak shrugged casually. “Home, I guess. Or out with friends, how should I know?”

“Oh, you mean Jan,” Eskild said, looking at the floor with eyebrows raised.

“Who else would I mean?” Anger flared up in Isak’s chest, though he knew that Eskild could see right through him.

Eskild couldn’t suppress a small laugh, overcompensating for it immediately with a deep frown.

“I mean, right,” he said. “Who else.”

“ **He** dumped **me** ,” Isak said after a moment.

“Yeah, and... you’re just gonna leave it at that?” Eskild asked. “Which is, you know, a viable life choice. You can… you’ll meet someone knew. That’s fine, it happens… all the time.”

“There’s nothing I can do about it, Eskild. It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Uh-huh,” Eskild nodded. “And we are still talking about Jan?”

Loud laughter reached them from the living room.

“No,” Isak admitted finally.

The quiet of the kitchen was suddenly disrupted as Magnus slid in, nearly crashing into the fridge.

“You got a lighter?” he said excitedly. “Sana’s gonna teach me how to open a beer bottle with it.”

Though it had felt good to tell someone the truth – the others all thought he was upset over Jan – Isak was kinda glad for the interruption.

“I think I have one in my jacket,” he said, setting his beer on the counter and rushing out of the kitchen immediately.

He was tired of moping. Maybe he should just get drunk instead. He reached into his jacket pocket, but instead of a lighter, he pulled out a small familiar card. It was a song request slip from the Karaoke place.

 

It should have been illegal for something so small to cause such an overwhelming rush of emotion. Isak stared at the card for a moment. Even had to have slipped it into his pocket at Karaoke. He pulled out his phone and checked the time. 11:38pm. He knew where Even would be at midnight, and there was still time to get there if he left immediately.

_Fuck it_. Relieved that Magnus hadn’t followed him into the hallway, Isak grabbed his jacket and slipped out the door.  

As he rushed toward the theater, a thousand scenarios played out in his head, each more sappily romantic than the other. He didn’t really believe any of them were possible. Even had made it clear that he didn’t want a long distance relationship. Whatever he was trying to do with Isak now was bound to only make things more painful in the end - and Isak didn’t care. If it meant that he got to have the next two months with Even, then he would take them, fuck the consequences. He walked into the theater, searching for Even in the small crowd of people still waiting to enter the auditorium.

In a parallel universe somewhere, he and Even reunited passionately at the entrance, kissing to the sound of violins. In another, Isak had made the reasonable choice and never abandoned his own birthday party. In this one, however, his eyes fell directly on Even's lanky form, leaning against the wall outside the auditorium, his face scrunched up with laughter, as the dark haired hunk from the bus stop whispered in his ear.

Had the world ended right then, it wouldn’t have been a moment too soon. Isak ran back outside and pressed his forehead against the cold stone building. A painful sob was still building in his chest, threatening to escape. He was not going to shed another tear over Even. He clenched his fist and slammed it hard into the gravelly concrete of the wall. With the sharp pain came relief and an odd sort of calm. He walked home without a backwards glance, and got straight into bed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left to go. Thanks for reading!

_    EVEN         _

Since the screening had been packed, Even and Kris ended up sitting at the very back of the theater, and when the shadow cast took their final bows, they were the first out the door. It had been a great show – the cast were all enthusiastic and fun, the crowd just the right kind of happy-drunk to participate fully, and the movie fantastic as always. Still, Even had found himself forgetting to pay attention at times and wondering what Isak was doing instead.

Kris started humming the tune to the “Time Warp” song, and Even couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Is that one your favorite?” he asked as they walked down the steps of the theater.

“It’s a classic!” Kris said incredulously. “It’s everyone’s favorite.”

They had both stopped walking and faced each other a bit awkwardly – it was time to say goodbye, and neither of them was sure if this had been a date.

“Nah, I prefer Janet’s ‘Touch Me’ song,” Even said, just to fill the silence, and then bobbed his head to the melody with a quiet “Touch-a-touch-a-touch-a touch me, I wanna feel...”

He immediately regretted it because he could tell from the shift on Kris’s face that he had read it as a green light. Even was flirty by nature – he knew this about himself – and it sometimes got him in uncomfortable situations. He put his hands in the pockets of his denim jacket and looked away.

“Alright, well,” he said abruptly, “it was good meeting you. Thanks for keeping me company. But um… I’m headed that way.”

He waved his head in a direction away from the bus stop. He figured Kris would be taking the same bus and really didn’t want to have to carry on the conversation.

“Oh. Yeah,” Kris nodded. “Though, if you wanted to, you could just… come home with me.”

He shrugged, tucking his hair behind his ear and meeting Even’s gaze. Even stared at him open-mouthed for a moment. _That was forward._

Kris smiled at his reaction, and added, “Look, you said you’re only in town for a short while, I know you’re still hung up on your ex, and I don’t expect anything more. It doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time.”

Even was impressed with his confidence – there was something enticing about that kind of directness. He considered what it would feel like to say yes.

“I uh…” he looked down at his feet, and laughed softly, bitterly. 

“Can’t,” he said finally, and Kris nodded again.

“Well, then... can I give you some unsolicited advice, coming from a… unbiased third party?”

Even lifted his gaze and his eyebrows.

“Talk to the ex,” Kris said simply. “Come clean, apologize, do what you gotta do. You could, like, die tomorrow, and, this seems like the kinda thing that would keep your ghost stuck on this plane, or whatever. So…”

He lifted his hand to his face, pinkie and thumb stretched out to mimic a phone, and winked before turning and walking away.

Even exhaled sharply the moment he was alone. He looked around the nearly empty street, suddenly feeling like he was _there_ again: alive, present – both in his body and in his hometown. He had been in a kinda daze, dancing around Isak for the past month, trying to pretend… he wasn’t even sure what he was trying to pretend. He pulled out his phone – he had to talk to Isak. _Now_.

 

* * *

 

_    ISAK          _

Isak wasn’t sure how long he had been lying there, staring at his ceiling in the dark. A soft breeze wafted through the open window, and the cool air felt good over his exposed legs and torso. He could still feel a throbbing sensation on the knuckles of his right hand, where he had scraped the skin and bruised his hand against the wall. He hadn’t even bothered to wash off the dirt and peeling skin that had formed before getting in bed. The misery, the anger, the unrelenting yearning for Even, it all seemed to have condensed into a tight lump in his throat, and the rest of him just felt empty.   

He reached over the side of his bed to pick up his jeans and pulled his phone out of the pocket. It was 2:23am. He lay back down with a sigh. The moment he rested the phone on his chest, however, it suddenly began to vibrate.

_bzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

For a moment, Isak was scared to look who might be calling him at this hour.

_bzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

Then he remembered that he had left Jonas and the others at his birthday party without saying a word. He had texted Eskild to let him know, but it was entirely possible that Eskild had forgotten to tell the others. He had no intention of explaining himself right now.

_bzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

He glanced at the phone to silence it, and the lump in his throat plummeted into his gut the moment he registered the name on the screen.

"Even Kosegruppa"

Isak had never changed the name in his contacts because it had somehow become one of those _things_ – when a completely innocuous and meaningless detail turns into a sentimental token that you just can’t let go of. So Kosegruppa he remained.

_bzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

He sat up straight, looking at the screen, almost forgetting to answer from shock.

_bzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzz_

“Hello?” he finally raised the phone to his cheek.

There was a brief moment of silence – or rather, a crackly whooshing of the wind through the phone’s speaker – before Even’s voice finally replied.

“H-hey. Hi!” He sounded almost surprised, and Isak wondered if he had just accidentally butt-dialed him.

Even continued tentatively,

“I uh…” he hesitated for a moment before starting to talk increasingly fast. “I’m… sorry, I shouldn’t - I shouldn't have called. It's late. You’re probably with uhhhh, Jan, and I woke you, I’m sorry, did I wake you? That’s a stupid question, of course I woke you. I just-”

The flurry of words stopped abruptly, and Isak scrunched up his eyebrows.

“Are you drunk or something?” he asked.

Even laughed quietly before responding.

“No, not at all,” he said. “I just… wanted to talk to you and didn’t think, um…   _forgot to think_ , about it being the middle of the night, and your birthday, and… your boyfriend.”

The last two words were accompanied by a deep sigh.

“Well I’m not… he’s not…here,” Isak heard himself say. He wasn’t sure why he was being honest, but Even sounded upset, and in spite of all the pain he had caused him, Isak couldn’t bring himself to not care. He had to make sure he was alright. “I’m alone. And I’m awake. So.”

“Can we talk?”

 

 

Isak hated himself a little as he put on his jeans and sweatshirt. He knew his friends would say that he was being a pushover, but it’s not like he could just make his feelings for Even just disappear every time something bad happened. The thing they had – whatever it had mutated into now – was profound and real. And Isak was fairly certain that he would always care - no matter what.

They had agreed to meet at the fountain by Studenterlunden, since it was within walking distance for both of them - and since asking Even to come over after everything that had happened just felt wrong. It only took Isak a few minutes to get to the park from his apartment, but as he approached the fountain, Even was already standing there, bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet, waiting for him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3

_ Even _

Even took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the sound of water splashing into the fountain. He had no reason to be _this_ anxious about it. They were just going to talk. Clear the air. That was all.

Still, when he caught sight of Isak’s silhouette through the darkness, his stomach did a somersault. He took his hands out of his jacket pockets. It felt awkward, like he didn’t know what to do with his limbs, so he put them back immediately.

Isak looked around and seemed to hesitate before walking over to the fountain. His hair was mostly obscured by the hood of his oversized sweatshirt - except for a few stray tendrils poking out from the sides. The effect was that of soft lighting in old Hollywood films, where light was expertly diffused in order to create a subtle glow around the beautiful starlet. The blond curls framed Isak’s face in a way that added a delicate radiance to his otherwise sharp features. Even’s feelings for him after all this time were certainly not dependent on physical attraction – after all, he was quite sure that Isak was, in simple terms, _his person_ \- but he still often found himself struck by how incredibly hot his person happened to be.

Isak came to a stop a few feet away from Even and put his hands in the front pocket of his sweatshirt.

“Hi,” he said, his face stern, betraying no emotion.

“Hi,” Even replied with a small smile. “Happy birthday.”

“It’s not my birthday anymore.” Isak’s tone was flat and curt, leaving Even with a distinct feeling of impending doom.

“How come…” Even started, “how come you’re alone tonight?”

“What do you want, Even? It’s, like, 3am. Or did you just fucking… make me come out here to chat?”

Even swallowed hard and looked at his feet. He had figured that Isak would be angry with him, but not quite _hate_ him like this. It was fine, he told himself. He just needed to tell him how he felt and then he would leave him alone.

“So…” he started, realizing that he hadn’t really thought about what exactly he wanted to say. “I just wanted to… apologize. I’m really sorry if I messed things up for you and um,” he closed his eyes, “Jan.”

Isak let out a small laugh, but otherwise his expression remained inscrutable. He only did this with Even when he was seriously upset, and it always felt like a punch in the gut. It was as though an invisible wall had formed around him, and there was no way to reach him.   

“I know that I fucked up,” Even shrugged slightly. “I didn’t… I didn’t know it would hurt this much. Or, I did, but I thought I could handle it. I thought it was… better. For you. If we split up. I didn’t wanna make you put your life on hold while I go and, like, live my dreams or, I don’t know...” He laughed at how ridiculous he sounded before continuing. “I didn’t mean for you to think that I didn’t care. About you.”

Isak looked at him with eyes narrowed.

“So, you decided to get me out of bed in the middle of the night to apologize for dumping me ten months ago?” 

_Ten months and three weeks, to be precise._ Even anxiously pressed the tip of his tongue to the roof of his mouth. He hated seeing Isak angry at him and tried to come up with a way to explain why it was important that he understand how Even felt.

“I know that you don’t believe in, uh, soulmates...” He looked over at the fountain and took a deep breath. “But I do, and… I found mine.”

He dared a quick glance in Isak's direction. His expression had softened almost imperceptibly. Even continued.

“And then I did the thing I always do, I _told_ you I would do.”

He bit his bottom lip and looked over at Isak, who had scrunched up his eyebrows, again.

“I hurt you,” Even explained. “And now you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Isak replied almost instantly.

“No?”

Isak looked down and shuffled his foot slightly, but remained silent.

“You... never replied,” Even said. “You never… I wouldn’t have gone to New York if you’d asked me to stay.”

He really meant it.

“Well, maybe if you’d talked to me instead of dumping me over text, I could’ve…” Isak seemed to run out of words mid-sentence. He opened his mouth a few times as if to say more, but nothing came out.

“But I did!” Even had thought that he’d made it perfectly clear that he would choose Isak over film school. He had even explicitly offered to stay once. “But it was like, like you couldn’t wait to get rid of me. All you talked about was how it was a great opportunity, and you were so excited, you… You didn’t exactly seem upset that I was leaving.”

“What? No!” Isak’s brow was still furrowed but his eyes were wide open in disbelief. “I was… trying to be… supportive, I…”

He was shaking his head, shoulders raised, the way he always did when he was annoyed, but the barrier between them started to dissipate.

“I missed you,” the words escaped from Even’s mouth of their own accord.

Isak scoffed.

“I don’t know, it looked like you were having a great time from where I was standing.”

“What?”

Isak seemed to immediately regret having said anything. His voice became much quieter. 

“You know,” he said, now sounding more dejected than angry. “With hot... dog... guy.”

_Who the fuck was hot-dog guy_ , Even thought, trying to think back on what Isak might be referring to. 

“The hot guy from the bus station? Who looked like a dog?” Isak let out an exasperated sigh. “German shepherd or something... That was him with you earlier tonight, right?”

Even stared at him for a moment, letting the words sink in.

“You came to the screening?” he asked, but Isak just stared at the fountain silently. Even laughed softly at the idea that Isak would think… whatever he thought, and Isak shot him an offended glance.

“Nothing happened,” Even's voice was getting croaky with emotion. “We were just…. He bought me a drink and I whined to him about you the whole time. I.. it wasn’t… I’m not interested in anyone else.” He lowered his voice almost to a whisper. “And besides, you’re the one who has a boyfriend.”

Isak seemed slightly embarrassed, tugging at the hood of his sweatshirt lightly with his right hand.

“What happened to your hand?” Even asked, noticing that his knuckles were torn up and speckled with blood. Isak quickly lowered his arm and hid his hand in the pocket of his sweatshirt. Even didn’t want to push, so they just stood there for a while, unsure where to go from here, the silence between them underscored by the soft gurgle of the fountain.

“Well,” Even finally spoke again. “I guess that’s all. Sorry for making you get out of bed.”

He looked toward the empty street that framed the park. He knew he should go now, but couldn’t bring himself to actually move. Then, he noticed Isak’s mouth moving ever so slightly, as though he was testing out a sentence on his lips.

“Umm, Even?” he said finally, and Even raised his eyebrows expectantly, hopefully.

“You know that thing with… with me and Jan?”

Even nodded, crushed by the sudden return to reality. Of course, Isak had moved on. And he would have to accept that. His throat felt tight and dry.

“It’s over,” Isak said. “He broke up with me.”

The knot in Even’s stomach started to untie, but he wasn’t sure how to respond.

“I-I’m sorry to hear that,” he said tentatively.

“Are you?” Isak asked with a single eyebrow raised, the tiniest of smiles playing on his lips.

“No,” Even admitted immediately. “I mean, I _am_ sorry if he hurt you. Or if I fucked this up for you.”

“It’s not... your fault, exactly.” Isak shook his head. “He uh… he said he didn’t want to be with someone who was still hung up on his ex, so… my fault, I guess.”

Even forgot to breathe for a second, feeling his heart thumping feverishly in his chest. As though on cue, a loud rumble of thunder startled them both, and within seconds, they were doused in the cold water of a sudden downpour.

“Shit!” Isak yelled in surprise, and Even laughed, feeling lighter than he had in months. He looked at Isak standing in the pouring rain and recalled the night of their first kiss, when they had ended up at Isak’s place, soaking wet and grinning stupidly.

Even wasn’t sure who made the first move - maybe they both stepped forward at the same time – but the next thing he knew, Isak’s lips were pressed against his own, kissing him hungrily, his fingers buried in his hair, making his scalp tingle at the touch, and Even pulled him closer, embracing him tightly, unable to stop grinning between fervent kisses. The rain cascaded down their faces and soaked their clothes and skin, but it made no difference - the world was a place of delight and wonder again.

* * *

__

_ Isak _

“Are you ever gonna tell me what happened to your hand?” Even asked, as they lay in Isak’s bed, facing each other, their nude bodies warm under the covers.

“I… uh… punched a wall,” Isak said, cringing slightly at the reveal.

“Mmm,” Even said seriously, “What did the wall do to deserve it?”

Isak rolled his eyes at the stupid joke, but the grin on his face wasn’t going away any time soon. He was filled to bursting with love and excitement, practically purring every time he felt Even’s fingers gently stroke his cheek or shoulder. He was also terrified.

“Did something upset you?” Even asked.

“Nah, it was just…” Isak’s mind went blank as he tried to come up with an innocuous lie to deflect Even’s questions.

Even took Isak's bruised hand into his own, running the tips of his fingers gently over the scrapes before looking back up at Isak. He was still waiting for an answer.

“I saw you… at the screening,” Isak finally confessed. “With _hot dog,_ ” he added, rolling his eyes.

Even’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Were you jealous?” He grinned and scooted even closer to Isak.

“Shut up,” Isak groaned, and Even stopped smiling.

“Would you rather have punched me?” he asked.

Instead of answering, Isak leaned over and kissed him hard. When he pulled away again, it took them both a moment to catch their breath.

“No, but I will if you dump me again when you leave,” Isak said, only half-joking.

“Oh yeah?” Even laughed. “You think you can take me?”

“Pfft, easily,” Isak played along. “Are you kidding?”

The smile faded from Even’s face slowly.

“I don’t have to go back,” he whispered.

The words sent a shiver down Isak’s spine, and Even seemed to mean them. The thought of him staying here was exhilarating.

“Yeah,” Isak said. “You do.”

They seemed to be right back at the same impasse that started all this, and that just wouldn’t do. Even’s qualms were understandable. Long-distance relationships are hard. Especially when the distance is this long. But that didn’t matter to Isak. Maybe it _wouldn’t_ work out. So what? It didn’t mean that they had to preemptively end it now. And it could just as easily work out just fine. Plus, there was no way that staying together even when they were physically apart could possibly be worse than breaking up. He looked up at Even, and tilted his chin so that their lips were almost touching. Even responded to the cue, and pressed his lips softly against Isak’s.

“But you also have to call me all the time,” Isak said when they pulled apart. “And send me snapchats. And Skype. And I’ll come visit you over winter break. So you can show off your awesome boyfriend to your American friends.”

Even smiled, parting his lips just enough so that his ‘vampire teeth’ showed, and Isak couldn’t help kissing him again. He had forgotten just how good being with Even could be. His whole body seemed to be on fire and perfectly calm at the same time.

“Can we buy your plane ticket before I leave?” Even asked softly and Isak smiled again.

“Yeah,” he said. “We can do that.”

It was starting to get light outside, and the warm rays of sunshine bathed the room in a soft orange glow. Isak nestled his head on Even’s shoulder, and they settled comfortably under the blankets, arms wrapped around each other, and drifted off to sleep.      


End file.
